It just so happens that yesterday I received my new copy of Marie Claire magazine, and since I am physically unable to keep up with my magazine addiction, I was about to throw it on the bottom of the “to be read” pile when a headline caught my eye. The title was “Meet Men Now: your get-results strategy” and I just had to flip to it immediately. I know what you guys are gonna say, these magazines always have articles about how to get guys, or how to look skinny, or how to do you hair, and they just change the words around a little and slap new titles on them each month, but hey I get Stuff and Maxim too and they kinda do the same thing, and hello what about Playboy?

Alright, back to the subject. Basically the woman in the article was trying out wingmen to see if this approach worked for her when trying to meet men. The first wingman was gay, and he didn’t work out really well for her even though she had a good time. The second wingman was hot, and although this went a little better, she found his hotness a little too distracting, plus he would just go up to the guys and tell them she thought they were cute, which isn’t the best approach. The third wingman was the best friend wingman and he apparently worked for her, got her talking to the guys and she scored some numbers.

So I was wondering if this approach would work for me. I am actually out with the guys a lot, but we are not usually on a mission to meet men, plus as they say “When in Rome do as the Romans do,” so I wouldn’t say I’m exactly at my most attractive when hanging out with my guy friends. Coincidently, a new friend of mine, dating dummy, actually found himself asking a similar question just yesterday (a secret Marie Claire reader perhaps). He was wondering whether or not a guy who is out with a woman is more approachable or if he is just out of bounds.

I know that on several occasions I have helped some of my male friends either find a hook up or a potential date, so I personally think that this approach works. Turns out there are actually businesses set up just for this purpose, check out wingwomen, you mean I could actually get paid for this?

I’m guessing the approach is really what makes the difference however. First of all, you have to make it known that the two of you aren’t an item (duh). This is usually easy for me because when I’m around my male friends, or any friends for that matter, I usually act like the big dork that I am, and I’m not on my best date behavior. But I understand that some men just aren’t exactly receptive to subtle hints like this (no offense), so should I start recruiting my guy friends to start up the small talk for me and blatantly point out the fact that we are not dating?

I’m thinking there is a good possibility that this could work. I slowly go down my list of male friends in my head, hmm…he would just embarrass me by telling the guy about my foot odor or something, he just doesn’t like people, he is too worried about finding some action himself, he wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise, and he and I get along too well and would look too much like a couple no matter what we did.

I think I’ve discovered the answer, rather than a wingman, perhaps a wingcouple. This is the perfect plan, think about it. I go out with my best friend and her boyfriend, also my friend. He has an excuse to go talk to a group of guys because he’s clearly getting away from all the girl talk going on at our table, and what guy wouldn’t want to bond with a bunch of men over a baseball game and some beer? The next thing you know, we can make our move. We’ve got the “in” because he’s already over there. She can let it be known that he is hers, and then it will be clear to all the men that I am there alone. Then it’s just up to me to make the small talk. Is this not the most perfect plan ever?

Perhaps I have way too much time on my hands today, but I really think I’m onto something here. Now I just have to convince my friend’s boyfriend, that 1. he likes beer, and 2. he likes to approach groups of strange men and start up conversations. Let’s see how this goes.

Stood up again, oh well (???maybe he got lost???). This guy knew about the site, and he’s been talking to me for over a month now so he had plenty of time to chicken out if he got cold feet. I’m actually a little nervous because I haven’t heard from him yet. We built a decent relationship, but as I’m learning, internet relationships don’t necessarily translate well to real life relationships. We’ve talked on the phone several times as well so he definitely had my phone number.

I guess I needed the quality time with myself anyway, although I’m now realizing I should have taken the opportunity to test out my flirting skills, since there were a couple of potential targets at the coffee shop. At that point my ego was kinda bruised though so maybe it would have been a bad idea.

I received my first set of nudie pics today from a potential date, haha, thanks! I’m actually quite surprised it took so long. Now I just have to decide what I’m gonna do with them.

I knew getting into this that I would have my share of weirdos, jerks, and idiots (the internet seems to bring out the worst of the worst), but I honestly have to say that the outpouring of support and encouragement has been phenomenal. I knew my friends and family would be supportive and understanding, but the feedback I have recieved from strangers has really surprised me. For every one moron I’ve encountered I’ve probably had the opportunity to speak with about a hundred caring and compassionate people.

At times I feel like maybe I should just give up and go back to my old, non-existent dating life. But then something happens, I either have a good date, or I recieve an email with words of encouragement from someone who is going through the same thing that I am going through, or I just get messages from people who are wishing me well and hoping that I find a great guy, and I have a renewed sense of my purpose in starting this site.

The comments are really appreciated as well (especially the nice ones), they really give me a perspective on my own actions and ideas that I might not otherwise have. Even the mean spirited comments can teach me something I suppose, perhaps that there are a lot of assholes out there and I just have to ignore them and keep moving on in order to find what I’m looking for.

I’m also getting quite a crash course on what exactly it is that I am looking for. I guess it’s like they say, “I will know when I find it.” But every experience is getting me closer to knowing. The site is helping me express how I am feeling, which hasn’t been easy for me lately. You get burned a few times and I guess you learn your lesson about putting yourself out there, and this experience is really helping me see that no matter what you do there is somebody that will try to cut you down, and all you can do is just be strong and move on. Having a supportive core of loving individuals is a big help as well, and I just want to take the time to thank all of you now (you know who you are), and assure you that you will all be getting hugs and kisses the next time I see you.

Another coffee date, this time at the local Starbucks. I stroll in and immediately notice several attractive men. I cross my fingers that the tall, dark and handsome one is my date (I’m such a sucker for this cliche). Well it’s not him, but another cutie approaches me and I am certainly not disappointed. He shakes my hand as he introduces himself, and we stroll over to the counter to place our orders.

He politely insists on picking up the tab, jokingly stating that this is the cheapest date he’s ever been on. I teasingly inform him that this is just the beginning, and luckily for me he gets the joke. He very sweetly suggests that I go pick out a table and have a seat while he waits at the counter for our beverages. Very thoughtful I think to myself as I search out the table that will give me the best possible lighting available (so vain I know, but you know what they say about first impressions). I decide on a table with two comfy chairs that are positioned directly facing each other. This is perfect I think to myself as I curl up into it.

My date arrives with our beverages and with a sly grin compliments me on my choice of location. We sit and chat, first about our favorite coffee flavors, and then we move on to the first date banter about careers, schooling, brief relationship histories, and of course what we do for fun. So far so good, I don’t have to hear about his psycho ex-girlfriend, or how his bad relationship with his mother has affected his relationship with females in general, come to think of it there is nothing negative. He tells me that he enjoys his work and looks forward to going everyday, which truly fascinates me. He seems to have a great family, and talks very highly of his parents, which is a big plus in my book.

His lack of negativity really inspires me to tell positive stories about my own life, and I realize what a great pleasure it is to have a conversation that doesn’t involve complaining or negativity from either party. Obviously this can’t always be the case, but as a first impression it really seems like the way to go. I guess we get so comfortable with our friends and families that the bitching and moaning just come naturally, and we sometimes forget to focus on all the positive things that are going on around us.

I get the sense that this guy is really happy with where he is in his life and it makes me want to get to know him more. He carefully listens to me as I tell my stories, and he asks questions that are actually pertinent to the conversation. He laughs at my jokes too, and has many quick witted comments of his own, which is great, this means his sense of humor is compatible with mine. There is nothing worse than being on a date with someone with no sense of humor, or who just doesn’t understand your jokes.

Before I know it an hour and a half has ticked by and I actually have to get going. We say our goodbyes as he walks me to my car. I let him know I had a great time, and he asks me if that means he’s going to get a good review on my site. So after a friendly kiss on the cheek I get in my car and I am left wondering, was his goal of this date to meet me and see if we hit it off or was it merely to get a good review? I know this is a problem that I have brought on myself by having this site, but at the same time, I would have never met this guy if I didn’t start it. So I guess only time will tell, hopefully there will be a second date and hopefully it will go as brilliantly as the first one did, we shall see.

I am not and have never professed to be a dating expert. I mean come on, you guys have read about my dates, you know how completely clueless I am. I’m just here to give you guys my observations, and I’m using my site as an avenue to meet new and interesting people.

I’m bringing this up because I’ve had several people recently ask me about dating situations that they are in. I thoroughly enjoy listening to people, and I’ve tried to be supportive and offer my opinions and advice, but I should warn you that if you ask me I will be honest. If you don’t want to hear my honest opinion then you shouldn’t ask me, if you just need somebody to listen to then just let me know that and I will listen and I will bite my tongue every time I feel the urge to point out how stupid/naive/dumb you are being.

Hell I know we all act dumb when we are smitten with somebody, and we will let them walk all over us and not even think twice about it. Love is blind, as is lust, and even little crushes, and I for one know that sometimes you really need to listen to somebody on the outside, even if they are telling you things you don’t want to hear.

To clarify, I’m not saying listen to me, because I obviously have no clue, but if all your friends are telling you something, that is probably something you want to listen to. I wish I had, it would have saved me a whole lot of heartache.

In conclusion, please don’t take offense to any advice I may give, I simply have your best interests in mind, and I am only expressing opinions on the portion of the story that I have heard from your lips. I’ve come up with a new motto to address all the dating/relationship questions that may come up in the future, and that is simply, “I will pray to the dating gods for you.” Just remember, the opinions that hurt the most are usually the ones that deep down inside we know are true.

I decided to take Joe’s advice and test out my flirting skills while out recently. I found a target at a local convenience store and started to make my move. Let me just mention that it took a lot of courage to come to this decision, usually I have no problem flirting with people, but it involves a good helping of liquid courage. Since I’m trying to avoid the whole bar scene and actually meet some men at normal places (whatever those may be) the whole alcohol thing needed to be taken out of the equation.

Now as we all know, I have a clumsy streak, or should I say clumsy is my middle name? This is usually proliferated (thanks Webster) by the fact that I am always wearing heels. So I carefully made my way to an aisle that wouldn’t have anything for me to trip over, although my feet or the floor are usually sufficient enough. I also tried to avoid anything too embarrassing such as the condoms, tampons, yeast infection treatments, athletes foot powder, etc. anything that could be viewed as gross or weird. I was surprised at how difficult this was. I finally settled on the magazine aisle, nothing could be weird or gross there right? Plus I could easily pretend to browse for at least several minutes without looking like a creep.

I finally saw my target headed my way, I was ready, just a quick glance, a shy smile, bat the eyelashes a little, I could do this. I steal my glance, totally prepared for the whole dramatic maneuver, and uh oh.

ABORT MISSION repeat ABORT MISSION!

What could be the worst possible deal breaker at this point? Why if it isn’t a home pregnancy test, in his hand, that appears to be trembling just a lil bit. I’m getting the hell out of this guys way, he is a man on a mission and not a very happy man at that. Well good thing I got him on the way out instead of the way in, I don’t think my ego would have been in real great shape after the kind of rejection I was sure to get from a man in his position.

Let’s see how long it takes me to get enough courage to try this again.

Thank goodness for coffee dates, I don’t think I could have dealt with this guy much longer. He thought he was so smooth too. Not to mention that fact that he was so obvious about checking out every girl that walked by, giving each one a good once over. I think he may have even gotten a number while I was in the bathroom, but I can’t be sure.

He also had a real problem with text messaging. It seemed like every other minute he had to get back to somebody. How annoying is it when you are talking to somebody and they don’t turn off the ringer so you constantly have to hear it chirping, and then they check their messages and either laugh or say “Oh man” or tell me they have to “get back at” this girl or dude or whatever?

I’m not sure if he just wasn’t interested in me or if he just didn’t know better. I guess I’ll never know, although he did try to kiss me and he has called me since then to see when we were meeting up again. This fascinates me actually because I definitely didn’t get a word in edgewise because he was too busy talking about himself, and all the great stuff he’s done, and all the great stuff he has, and just how great his life is, so I really don’t know what he based his decision on wanting to meet up with me again on.

I definitely know more about his car than I could ever want to know, oh and his sound system. I really don’t like when somebody tries to order for me either I realized, unless of course I ask them to suggest something. He tried to order for me at the counter, and I actually might have let it slide had it not been something that sounded absolutely disgusting to me. I’m not sure if he was trying to be chivalrous, I’m not exactly sure how that works anymore, probably because I’ve never had it happen (the ordering part, not the chivalry part).

Although talking about chivalry brings up my next point. As we walked out of the coffee shop, not only did he not let me go first, but he also walked out and barely held the door enough to keep it from slamming in my face. He must have been really excited to show me his car. This actually doesn’t even have to do with male/female interaction and chivalry so much as it has to do with just having manners.

I guess that’s enough about this guy, since he won’t be playing a very important part in my life. Honestly to sum up the date and the guy I would just have to say that it/he was just plain annoying. It amazes me that there are girls out there that can actually be attracted to this kind of guy. Maybe when he finds a girl he really likes he will learn some manners.

I had the opportunity to be a guest on the Jordan Levy show on WTAG yesterday evening. I was invited to be on the show by guest host Mike Warshaw of Worcester Magazine. Mr. Warshaw did a great job of making me feel comfortable, the time flew by, and I really enjoyed myself. We discussed my dating experiences, what I have learned so far, and future possibilities for my dating blog. I also had a lovely caller named Debbie who was very sweet.

Mr. Warshaw and I also discussed the dos and don’ts of dating. My biggest don’t, other than the whole focusing too much on your cat thing, was sharing too much information way too soon. I feel that many people have a tendency to over-share on first dates and give out too much personal information up front. We all know by now that I am the queen of over-sharing, I am a very open person, but I still have certain aspects of my life that I try to keep private.

When I arrived home yesterday evening after the show, as I checked my email, I realized that some people over-share even before the first date. Now I understand that my dating application asks a lot of questions of you guys, but at the same time I leave to your discretion how much personal information you actually get into. Anyway, I received a dating application from someone who shall remain anonymous. The entire application looked good aside from the brief relationship history, which I will quote:

Brief Relationship History: ‘I’ve been single for about 6 months now. My ex, (edited), finally met someone … good for her. We actually split up over a year ago but still had a relationship with nsa. You know how that goes … the after break up, hanging out, occasional sex until she finds someone new thing. That’s the recent history.

While I definitely found this slightly amusing, I was also a little disturbed by the lack of censorship (he even told me the ex’s name). I decided to file this one away in the “too much information” category. I suppose depending on the flow of the conversation this could have come up early on, but I’m thinking it really shouldn’t be something a potential date should get into on first contact.

Just wanted to point out that example. One more thing, I also wanted to thank my ex-co-workers, Rob and Foley, for the excellent boob shots. I’ve received many rave reviews on the camera angles, and knowing them, they clearly had my breast, I mean best interests in mind.

Rejection really isn’t an easy thing to deal with (obvious, I know). I’ve actually had been talking to a couple of guys that seem to have potential, but it seems as if they have dropped off the face of the earth. I know personally that when I am trying to reject somebody without actually coming out and telling them I’m not interested I generally just avoid them. I’m beginning to think this is what’s happening to me, that’s karma I guess.

I almost wish that the guys that I am chatting with had their own websites as well. As embarrassing as it would be, it would also be a great learning experience to hear about all of the mistakes and dumb things you did and said on a date. I’ve actually had a couple of my dates thank me for being so honest, they really never thought about what women were thinking when they said or did certain things. I guess I could use that honesty right now.