I just ran across this article about a U. K. study from a few months ago, and I thought it was kinda funny. It explains that according to research a woman’s chance of marriage drops 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. On the opposite side of the fence a man’s chance of marriage increases 35 percent for every 16-point increase.

Some speculate that the more intelligent women are actually the ones doing the rejecting, while other say it is possible that men might just be looking for a less intelligent wife who stays home and takes care of the house. Let me just say in defense of all the stay-at-home moms and homemakers out there, my Mom stayed home and took care of the house, and there is nothing about her that is “less intelligent.”

Makes you wonder why though, doesn’t it?

(oops, and now that I fixed all my grammatical errors, I’ll pretend I’m one of the smart ones!)

One more substitute for now, and then I promise I’ll get back to my own dates. This one made me giggle. It’s from one of my readers, some of you may know her, I’ll let you guess who, or maybe she will reveal herself, we’ll see:

I was pleasantly surprised when my close friend “Chris” told me his old roommate moved back to NYC and had asked if I was single & interested in attending a ‘welcome back cotter’ party his friends were throwing for him at one their favorite dive bars.

Just to give you some background info, I had always thought the roommate was a great guy: young, energetic teacher with a great personality. Who could ask for anything more? We were never close friends, but stayed in touch with the occasional birthday e-greeting & email.

Chris & I went to the party together. It was fun to see Roomie looking at as cute as ever. We didn’t have much time to chat one on one, everyone was asking about the move & I didn’t want to monopolize his time. When I said good-bye later on that night he asked for my phone number. It was a Herculean feat that I didn’t go ape shit & do a dance of joy right in front of everyone. But I was able to suppress my feelings & play it cool.

In typical boy fashion, he called a week later and asked if I’d like to meet him for drinks. Fast forward to nine days later. We meet up at a rooftop bar located in a Manhattan hotel. It was right after work & thankfully the weather was cooperating. We give each other warm greetings (hugs & kisses on cheeks) and grab two seats in a shady spot.

About half an hour into our conversation, a girl plops herself next to us & says hello. I stare at our new blonde companion, trying to figure out where I’ve seen her before & why she’s sitting next to us. Turns out I had seen her at the party & she was the roomie’s old neighbor. We are all talking & laughing and some time later I realize that the sun is setting. I am beginning to wonder why she’s still loitering around. Surely her friends are looking for her & must be wondering why it’s taking her so long to exchange pleasantries. (Plus, I am convinced she’s giving me weird looks)

Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I comment on how it’s getting chilly since the sun has set. Roomie takes this cue and asks if I am up for some dinner. Before I can reply, the blonde blurts out that that would be super & she’s super hungry but has to go powder her nose first. After the little interloper has pranced away, I comment to Roomie that NYC feels like a small town sometimes, especially when we run into old acquaintances. I nearly dropped my glass when he said “Actually, it’s not a oincidence, I invited her. I hope you’re not offended, but I thought the two of you would really hit off. And Chris said you were still single.”

I couldn’t believe the guy I had a crush on for years was trying to help my romantic life by introducing me to a GIRL. This moment is what the MasterCard commercials would call “priceless”

The three of us head over to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. Mentally I am still reeling (and embarrassed) at the turn of events. I am not sure if I should be offended or burst out laughing. I help myself to a pitcher of sangria (strictly for medicinal purposes) and keep telling myself that this will become a funny story I will share with friends. I do my best to be myself & behave normally. . Maybe the sangria helped me relax, and the three of us really had a good time eating & joking.

The next day I receive a text message from my new sapphic friend telling me she had a blast & would like to see me again sans Roomie. I respond that I’d be happy to hang out with her & mention that I happen to be straight. But, in case I ever decide switch teams she’d be the first person to know

Another dating story from a friend of mine, basically just because it is too hot to not be outside right now:

I have this thing with seeing how a girl handles certain social situations. Most people would consider me a pretty social guy, and I get invited to a lot of functions, the occaisional fund raiser, benefit, what have you. So I had been seeing, this girl “Lucy”, and happened to get an invite to one of these special occaisions. I immediately thought of her since she was basically the only person I was seeing and I thought this would be a good test for us.

A sociable girl is an attractive girl. It’s important to me that she can dress the part, act responsibly, and be graceful under what some may call pressure. Furthermore I actually look how a girl handles herself when being introduced to a lot of people, friends, business associates, etc. Noone wants a shy shy gal, nor do they want a very jealous girl being rude to the people she’s meeting.

Night starts off with wine @ my house, then we trek it out to the function. Great conversation always, since we’d known eachother for some time there weren’t really any uncomfortable moments.

We enter the room, notice that we are by about 30 years on average, the youngest people there. There were a few young adults and some children, but mostly older folk. Upon arriving we are greeted by the hosts, people I see nearly every week, and “Lucy” handles herself perfectly. Shes graceful and kind, sounds very sincere, she was comfortable, I was amazed. This all takes about 15 minutes, the suns setting, its dinner time now. We pick a table, get some food, some drinks, we eat, talk and listen to a speech.

All business over with now, a dj comes on and starts playing. It’s always funny to watch this happen, because truly, people love to dance, and they love music. Nooone wants to be first on the dance floor though. So in typical fashion the little kids are out there dancing on the floor like its 1999 in about half a songs time. Next I’m looking around and its clear my date wants to dance, but I’m being kind of a bum about it, I want another drink first. It is also pretty apparent that some of the older ladies would like to dance, they’re shaking their heads and tapping their feet. Everyone likes to dance. So my date decides that she is going to visit with a few of the ladies that shes met over the course of the evening, people were stopping by the table, we were walking around a little bit. I’m thinking JACKPOT! I found this girl who can mingle with anyone. Next thing I knew she was out on the dance floor with a bunch of women clearly in their 60’s +. I was caught off guard but pleasantly surprised. She made herself and all those around her have a great time, and she did it well.

She is the reason I look for this quality in girls now. Though we still speak all the time, we are no longer together, but I’m greatful and we talk about this night all the time.

I just arrived home after a great trip and I just wanted to thank everyone in Florida who made it special. To those of you who I did’t get a chance to respond to I apologize, and I would also like to extend an open invitation to any of you who might happen to come my way. If you boys are ever in Massachusetts please drop me a line, I would love to show you around up here, as you all so graciously offered to do for me when I was in your neck of the woods.

I will warn you that it is not nearly as beautiful up here, and the weather doesn’t always cooperate, but it’s my home and I love it, and there’s always fun to be had. Some of the ideas for first dates were great as well, so I will also warn you that my ideas are not nearly as fun and exc iting as most of yours, but I’m open to suggestions.

My first vacation date went very well, possibly because it is vacation, so I think it was clear to both of us this wouldn’t be going far. Despite what most of you probably think, I do enjoy a little romance once in a while, although too much would definitely irritate me. This guy had the perfect blend of romance, humor, sensitivity, and strength. Now I’m sure that somewhere in my subconscious I allowed myself to like him because I knew there weren’t any hopes of it becoming more, which leads me to believe that I may be expecting too much out of my other dates closer to home…

Whatever, let me tell you about this date. We met on the beach at dusk, he had packed a picnic and there were people around, but it wasn’t busy like it would have been during the day. He had a cute little blanket for us to curl up on, and he actually had a picnic basket which he borrowed from a neighbor, bonus points for effort. Inside the basket was a bottle of wine (not Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot, but still good), strawberries, cheese, and crackers, the perfect getting to know you meal. If I hadn’t known any better I would have suspected he got pointers from one of my girlfriends.

He told me all about one of his passions, scuba-diving, and it was really interesting. It made me wanna learn. He had lots of interesting stories, and he had lots of good questions to ask me. I never felt uncomfortable even during the silences, and our surroundings were so beautiful it was easy to just get lost in taking it all in. I guess this is an advantage he had over most of my other dates, such a beautiful setting.

We sat for hours, but it went by so quickly. We took a little walk after we finished nibbling, and then sat back down again for some more chatting. I felt like neither of us wanted to say good bye. It wasn’t like there was an instant connection that said this guy is “the one” or anything like that, but there was an instant connection that made me feel comfortable around him, and I don’t think it was the wine. I might have even broke my no kissing on the first date rule, alright you got me, I did. Since there probably isn’t going to be a second date any time soon I made an exception, can you blame me?

I finally decided it was time to head home (I’ve always been bad at the leave em wanting more approach), we said our goodbyes, smooched a little, and he walked me to my car. He was such a gentleman even after the fact, I received an email from him the next day letting me know that he had a great time and he hopes we can keep in touch. I look forward to at least having an email buddy, or someone I can hang with the next time I’m on vacation.

So here is just a quickie. This is one of the guys from Miami who I didn’t get a chance to meet even though it sounds like it would have been fun. I give him props for originality and coming up with an exciting first date idea:

So, since I don’t have a yacht or a fancy house in Pine Crest and I can’t bribe you with money or even freakishly huge genitalia, I’m going to try and meet your original request of some excitement.

Irregardless if you take me up on my offer, I hope that you have a great time here in Florida and you find the excitement you seek.

Honestly I think my common sense might have kicked in and told me it’s probably not a good idea to meet a stranger in a strange place on a first date that involves a submachine gun. Maybe the second date though, cuz it did sound like it would have been an experience, but I should probably try shooting something a little less intimidating first.

This story comes from Ryan, a new Miami friend. It is about a recent dating experience:

Her name is xxx and I met her the previous week before at a bar in the ‘Grove. She is from Panama and moved to Miami to get her law degree at the University of Miami. Now graduated, she is working as a trust officer at a bank that specializes in setting up off shore trusts for people from Venezuela. She sort of looks like an actress on the NBC show Third Watch (the latin one who plays the Sgt) and well… likes to talk. I mean … talk a lot. It is almost therapeutic. When she calls or when we are together she just goes and all I have to do is ask the appropriate questions
to allow her to run her mouth. (see Chris Rock stand up routine to give you an idea). The one saving grace is she is pretty smart so she is not talking gibberish and is interesting to listen to.

Flash forward to Saturday night and we are sitting outside on Lincoln road. It is another gorgeous night, there are people everywhere and the food is good. Things are going well as xxx recounts her week at work, her nights out during the week, her morning, her afternoon, her time out at paint ball, what life is like in Panama, her internal debate about whether to get a roommate, about her recent trip to Panama and then the drinks we ordered arrived. I drank my beer rather quickly, but to be honest am still having a good time. The dinner came and she kept on going. Things are going well.

Then she stops. Looks at me and says “You know, I think I have talked too much…” and before I let her finish the sentence and before I could stop myself I said in true Ryan smart ass fashion “Noooo… really? Get outta here.” This was a mistake. She immediately stopped, stared, shook her finger and bobbled her head in a way only seen on comedy shows and said “Oh no, you didn’t just say that?” “What did you mean by that?” “Are you saying I talk to much” “I can’t believe you said that” “That was mean”… So in a desperate attempt to save the situation I said “Hey, I am sorry, I really didn’t mean anything by it. It is just my sense of humor, it
is just the way I am… it is like a rudimentary sarcasm. I am sorry.” Well, this didn’t help much, but stopped the bleeding. Didn’t stop the bleeding in the way stiches solve the problem, more of in the way a tourniquet stops the hemorrhaging but doesn‘t solve the problem … so the reprieve was temporary. At this point she got up to go to the bathroom giving me the dating equivalent of “now go to your room and think about what you said.”

When she got back, she asked me if I had anything else to say. I made it worse by saying… well, I guess my humor is sort of like a combination of sarcasm and … “yes?” she asks… “brutal honesty, it is the Canadian way.” This didn’t help and I figured I was dead in the water.

Despite how I thought it was going, we decided to walk to my place to watch a movie. On the way to my place, when attempting to cross the road she jokingly pointed out we shouldn’t cross as it was the red hand, we had to wait for the white man (note, there are absolutely no cars in either direction) at which point I used another Chris Rock line

Quick side bar: I can’t begin to tell you how much fun it is to be able to use American Pop culture references such as “How youdoin?”, “not that there is anything wrong with that”, “Deloris” “NO SOUP FOR YOU!” “BIG HEAD, BIG HEAD, BIG HEAD” “The Contest” and have the people around you actually laugh. I mean, in Moscow those lines would be met by blank stares. It really did put a crimp in my already suffering style.

Back to the story…. So I said, “why do they always have to be WHITE?” …. she laughed and then said, they should really be Jello. Jello? What the hell color is jello? So against my most basic instincts I asked the question…. “what color is jello?” Oops.

“EXCUSE ME? What did you say??? Are you serious? You makin fun of my accent now?”
(at which point I she meant yellow). This was followed by the her best line of the night. “You know, I have decided I like it better when you just listened.” I laughed so hard I almost fell off the sidewalk…. Yes, dating in Miami was definitely going to be interesting.

So we get back to my place, put on a movie, ate some ice cream and I said absolutely nothing (but still laughing to myself). So the movie ended and I drove her back to her car. Unfortunately, I took her to the wrong parking garage which I didn’t realise until she called me 30 minutes later absolutely furious as she was lost, she couldn’t find her car and it was all my fault. Yup, this was shaping up to one hell of a night. Eventually after talking her back to her car (no easy task), she got herself home and thus ended one of my prouder moments in dating. I figured I would never hear from her ever again.

She called two days later to apologize and ask why I hadn’t called. What happens next… who knows, but I will be sure to let you all know….

I guess I spoke too soon about the guys down here being nice. Apparently there are jerks with internet connections everywhere. Some people fail to realize that I’m on vacation and am not on the internet 24-7. I’m sorry if I haven’t responded to your email or application right away, I am trying to relax and enjoy myself. At least I’ve ruled out a few guys who think because they haven’t heard from me in a couple days they have the right to act like dickheads. From now on maybe I should wait a week or so before I reply to anybody, perhaps that would rule out a few more assholes and then I wouldn’t have to actually deal with them in person.

This brings up proper online dating etiquette I suppose. Do you really have to respond to everybody who has sent an email to you? It is very time consuming as it is, imagine having to write a response, and what if you weren’t at all interested, then what do you say? People get so offended, it would be hard not to hurt feelings, and at the same time be honest. I know that I’ve sent out a bunch of messages on the different websites and haven’t heard back from probably about half the people. This doesn’t bother me that much, I just assume I’m not their cup of tea, and focus on the other half that actually did show some interest.

Maybe we should all have a form email that we can send out like they do at all the newspapers I send my resume to. “I’m sorry you do not fit the qualifications that we are looking for at this time. We will keep you on file for the next six months and contact you if something that fits your qualifications comes available.”

After all the hard work and effort I put into this site and the dating, and the flirting, and the emailing, and the talking on the phone (I know tough life right?) I am getting something in return. More tickets!!!!

Since I’m on vacation, I’m gonna take the easy way out and just quote my friend Andy:

Think of it as a gigantic, tripped out, Pink Floyd laser show. On a farm. In Sutton. And instead of Pink Floyd it’s Pink Voyd. And instead of fricken lasers, it’s fireworks. Still sounds cool, right? They call it Rock and
Awe, and it takes place about 100 yards from my old house in the sleepy farm town of Sutton, where yours truly grew up. The line up features some local favorites throughout the day like OSB and Uncle Billy’s Smokehouse, and culminates after dark with a kick ass fireworks show set to the sounds of one Pink Voyd…a Pink Floyd tribute band. Round up the kids, pack a cooler full of sandwiches and acid tabs, and go freak out to the music and the crazy exploding lights in the sky. Tickets are $20 and can be had through NextTicketing.

I’ve seen OSB and Uncle Billy’s Smokehouse before and it was a good time so I’m sure this event will be great. I guess I should also look for a date for this. I definitley don’t want to end up here with someone who just isn’t into the music, or doesn’t like live shows, or the outdoors, or whatever, so if this is you please don’t ask to go.

If you are really interested in the show and would actually like to meet me please drop me a line (really, is that too much to ask?). Of course if you want to go to the show and you really don’t wanna meet me then click here and buy your own damn tickets!

I’ve received quite a few responses thanks to my ad on Craigslist Miami. From what I’ve seen so far I am actually amazed at the difference between the men down here and the men back home. I haven’t received one rude response yet, or any criticisms at all. Every email I have received has pretty much been polite, and the men seem to all have a sense of humor about it. The majority of them run like this:

You look very cute and seem really cool. I would normally never respond to something like this but you got my attention. I live in South Beach, originally from NYC. I would be game to meet for a drink while you are in town. I have enclosed my picture.

Have a great night

or this:

I like your blog..it is entertaining interesting and certainly opens my eyes to a different point of view but which I agree with on most points..I am a 50 year old single male so the women I date are probably your mothers peer group..however the difficulties are about the same with dating in that group as they appear to be with your peer group…I own my own charter boat business in Palm Beach..if your ever up this way stop by for a glass of wine on my 60 foot yacht..and keep up the good work on your blog..R

Probably a little too old for me, but still polite, and not expecting too much. What can I say, I like the nice guys.

I did get a couple of priceless responses however. These really need to go in the Email Hall of Shame. Not sure if they are truthful or not, but I’ll let you guys decide:

Hi its XXX, i am acool sexy mature well toned well hung(9)stud!X/nude model porn star in Ft Lauderdale,have gal pal staying with her girlfriends at the Lowes on collins ave,if interested inhanging out with a mature sexy man let me know and i will send hot pic over, thanks XXX

and if this guy’s out there, please send money, I have plenty of bills that would love to be paid:

Hello …
Just read your ad and i am very interested so i decided to reply back. Well i am a 35 year old american gentleman from miami in pinecrest ad looking to meet an attractive woman who i can spoil with $$$$..By the way nice pic, your defintely a very attractive woman.. i understand that ur looking to meet some new cool people this weekend while your visiting miami from massachusetts., and id be very interested in meeting you.. I go to miami beach often and know the area well. i can take you to the nicest bars,restaurants,clubs so we can chill, have some drinks and party. i also would also be interested helping you out financially if your in need of some extra $$ for bills. Perhaps your in need of some financial assitance for college expenses, bills and rent, if so i can help you out. .. This is not a fake, phony or yahoo spam ad, rather i am 100% serious about everything.. I am semi retired and wealthy man and i deal with commercial real estate so i am pretty wealthy… Also i know its online so you have concerns, but i assure you you have nothing at all to worry about with me. I am a very nice, mature gentleman, not some weird immature or disrespectful guy.I am over the childish games and i know how to treat a woman… Also i was wondering do you have any more pics? I defintely
am interested in meeting you this weekend. So if your interested in a nice mature generous man to help you out financially as well as show u good time out then please feel free to email me back and get in touch with me as soon as possible. Hope to hear back from you.

I never expected to have too many great possibilities, but I guess on this time limit it’s not hard. I’ll update you guys on who the lucky guys are when I get the chance, or should I say on who I’m lucky enough to go out with? I guess we’ll see won’t we.