My water aerobics ladies are worried about me. They don’t understand why I’m still single, and they don’t think I should have so much trouble finding a good man (which I can agree with). Plus I’m pretty sure they think my eggs are rotting. Good thing I have them looking out for me. I can’t tell you how many dates with grand-sons and nephews I’ve turned down.

From Urban Dictionary:

Mimbo

Made famous from an episode of Seinfeld refering to a masculine version of a bimbo

It’s pretty funny when someone you know doesn’t get the joke, it’s even pretty funny when you’re the one that doesn’t get the joke…that is as long as it’s every once in a while. In the rare case when you run into someone who never gets the joke, it’s simply not that funny.

Well I suppose there are instances where this would be funny, like when you’re recounting the story to your girlfriends, or when you’re laughing at this person along with other people who get the joke. But when it’s just the two of you, that is when it starts to get old real quick.

On a tangent, I have a bad habit of seeming like I’m not listening. I can understand why this would bother someone, but most of the time I actually am listening and can recount the entire exchange. This date not only didn’t get the joke, he didn’t listen, and if he did hear me he didn’t remember any of it. Regularly I would think this guy just was not interested in me at all, but in this case I am certain that he was just really, incredibly dumb.

He was nice to look at, at least he had that going for him, and he was super friendly, so I guess that makes for one redeeming quality. The only bad thing about him really was that he was an idiot.

I’m not one to talk politics, particularly on a first date, but along with the small talk maybe I’ll mention a current event or something, say something funny here or there. I always got the same response no matter what was going on, it was always the same dumb, half smile, like a puppy who wags his tail nervously, not quite sure what’s going on.

I never realized how annoying it is to have a conversation with someone who isn’t listening to a word you say. Again, I’m still not really sure whether he wasn’t listening or if he just didn’t remember any of it. Now that I think about it his eyes were really weird, kind of shifty, so maybe he was just on drugs. On the upside at least he didn’t stare at my chest too much.

P.S. This was a setup, a I am no longer talking to those friends.

“I’m gonna masturbate myself to sleep to the sounds of his Myspace page. Goodnight.”

From a straight female friend:

“If he doesn’t want to date you I will.”

It’s never this bad: Sex Quenches Thirst of Female Beetles

Like sponges, females can absorb the water from seminal fluid through their reproductive tracts. The more water they take in, the less frequently they need to mate, an activity that’s physically damaging to the females. (The males have spines on their genitalia that puncture females’ reproductive tract during mating.)

Ouch!!

This is a one-time-only special because I’m a huge dork. I’ve used two of these references in the last week, and unfortunately the only people who seem to get it are woman who were about 14 - 16 years old in the year 1995. So here you go, my favorite Clueless quotes.

Why am I even listening to you? You’re a virgin who can’t drive.

I don’t get it?! Did my hair get flat? Did I stumble into some bad lighting?

Sometimes you have to show a little skin, that reminds guys of being naked and then they think of sex.

Would you say I’m selfish?
No, not to your face.

My doctor said I can’t do anything that requires balls flying at my face.
There goes your social life.

For those of you who haven’t seen this movie, you’re really missing out (if you’re a 15 year old girl).

(I’m the chubby one)

I just realized that I have never actually asked a guy out. Ever. I’ve definitely flirted and made my self look like an idiot at times, but never actually took the big step. I think this weekend I may need to go out and just for fun go up to someone and ask them on a date. Really the rejection might be good for me.

Maybe it will make me a little more empathetic.

I just have to remember the advice of this guy and not let one person take away all my power.

“The only thing worse than a liar is a bad liar.”